apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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