I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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