That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
