I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
