It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
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Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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