i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
