I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
