She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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