tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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