Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Randomize
