what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
