i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
