I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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