I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
