so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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