you would pick up someone in the library
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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