Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Pooping to opera.
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