My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
