I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
