And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Come see our sink grown plant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize