Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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