Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
