Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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