I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
