I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
