wakey wakey hands off snakey
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
