I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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