Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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