Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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