My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
