RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize