Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
