He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
