I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
