3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
