I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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