I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
