I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
