He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
