if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
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