i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
