Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
