she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
