Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
