Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
