I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
