Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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