I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Blood and glitter go together right?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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