yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
