He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
