my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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