shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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