There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
