I can tuck mytits in my pants
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
