is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
