I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
pop tarts are not kleenex
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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