The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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