So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
