he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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