I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
