My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
