it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
