you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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