Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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