He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
