I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
