EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
