i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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