Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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