Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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