He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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